More Parental Tips

5 Ways to Make the Most of Time with Your Kids
Written by Randy Rudder

To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

While Ferris is no paragon of parenting, he does have an excellent grasp of enjoying life and relationships. How about you? Are you letting time with your kids speed by?

Savor the moments with your children because before you know it, they’ll be zipping through braces, boyfriends, and diplomas.

First, take a moment to gauge your relationship with your kids.
Steve Hayes, author of Safe and Sound: Protecting Personal and Ministry Relationships, offers these three questions: 1) What have interactions with your children been like in the past?  2) What would you like to change?  3) How can you create a plan to reflect those goals?

With your new insight and direction, grab the kids and start bonding.

Here are five ways to make the most of the time you have:

1. Make use of car time.
When you get behind the wheel, turn off the radio and tune in to your kids. Talk about what they enjoyed or struggled with that day, who their friends are, and what they’re looking forward to. It works with young kids and even with teens. John Townsend, co-author of Raising Great Kids and the Boundaries series, says that “kids, even though they don’t act like it, really want to be with us … with someone they can look up to, who can guide them and who cares about them. At the same time, God designed them to gradually adjust to the larger world and become independent.”
Townsend suggests parents even seek chauffeur duty: “Use that time to connect with [your kids] so they can have that flow between the nest and their friends.”

Or you can create plenty of quality car time by getting out of town together. Joey and Carla Link, with J&C Ministries, a parenting resource company, have found winter to be a great time for a family mini-vacation. “In January and February, it is great fun to plan a family getaway weekend. Just getting out of town and spending time together can recharge a family,” Joey says.

2. Get goaling.

Doyle Yarbrough, a family therapist in Franklin, Tenn., says the New Year provides “a time to teach children some short-term goal setting.”

That can mean planning a family meal and activity by suggesting a favorite food or game as Amy and Carey Dean of Lakeland, Fla., allow their 6-year-old triplets to do, or having your kids work toward a more labor-intensive accomplishment. Projects that involve progress and patience — like saving allowance for a toy or helping Dad clean up and give away junk from the garage — let your kids experience the step-by-step rewards (and setbacks) of attaining a goal, preparing them to take on bigger responsibilities in life.

3. Serve together.
Want to teach your kids how to serve? Answer the following question: Who are you trying to impress? Other parents? Employers? Christ? Be aware that you’re modeling a life intent on honoring either Jesus or everyone else (see John 12:26). The key to maintaining a servant’s heart? Find your worth/value/identity in Christ. Servanthood naturally follows.

Invite your kids to serve with you. Jan Johnson, author of Growing Compassionate Kids, suggests taking a meal to someone in your neighborhood, visiting residents of a nursing home, or serving food at a homeless shelter. Let your kids see whom you value (Jesus) and teach them to feel secure, not ashamed, about serving others.

4. Let your inner child lead them.
Joining your kids as they play helps you and your kids learn more about each other. “As we become more involved in activities [children] enjoy, we will behold the colorful characters God has placed in our care,” say David and Elaine Atchison, authors of Shaping the Next Generation.

Dads: Go to tea parties. Moms: Play in the mud. “Pretending and performing for parents allows children to ‘try on’ different characters and personalities — and signal cognitive growth,” according to the Atchisons.
And be spontaneous. “If it starts snowing,” say Ron and Gwyn Bergthold, parents of four, “we drop everything and go sledding.” Go on –– laugh and have a good time.

5. Stick to your Sabbath.

For too many believers, the day of rest is filled with busyness. “Is Sunday any different around your home from any other day?” asks Dennis Rainey, radio host of “FamilyLife Today” and author of several books on parenting. “If not, you are missing out on a great personal and family benefit. Career advancement, personal interests, church involvement, and other activities must not have priority over our personal relationship with God and our commitment to our family.”

Here are a few of Rainey’s suggestions for observing a day of rest:

Make sure the kids have their homework done by Saturday night; skip shopping on Sunday; try to limit phone calls to family only. How will you set aside Sunday as a time of rest and spiritual reflection for your brood?

Value the time you have with your children. Step into their lives. Find out who they are, and let them find out more about you and the God you serve.

Start interacting today.

Well? Your kids are waiting.

Randy Rudder is a freelance writer, English professor, and father living in Nashville, Tenn.